Another Memory

I was next to you and sleeping in your arms. It was just one night. And now, two years have passed since then. I still long to once again curl beside you, to place my hand over your bare chest and feel your heart beat, to lay my head on your shoulder while I listen to your breath while you sleep, to wake up in the middle of night and feel your arms around me. The memory was so distant that sometimes I wonder if I just imagined that night. I asked myself if it really did happened. It seemed too good to be true then. It still seemed too good to be true even now. But I know in my heart that it was not my imagination in a hyperactive mode. It was a memory. It happened. You were mine for that one night. And I was yours.

The pathetic thing about it is that after two years, I am still yours even if you don't want me. It was more than the ordinary and at the same time sleazy one night stands I got involved in before I met you. Of course, I did not know it back then. I didn't know that it would mean so much. I did not know that you would mean so much to me. And that it would hurt me like hell once it was over.

Today, I wonder, do you ask yourself where were you this date two years ago? If you do, do you remember? Do you remember that night? Do you remember how it was between us? Do you remember me at all? Because I remember you. I haven't forgotten about you. And I will never forget.

Smile

I could still remember

The day I shed tears over you

It was a sunny day

Everybody was cheerful and excited to get home

But it was sad and dark for me

Because I am leaving a very special place with a very heavy heart

I tried so hard to keep the tears from falling

But I just can’t

Somehow, everything reminds me of you

When the first drop of tear fell

I said that

I never want to meet somebody like you again

Somebody who made me feel all those things

Somebody who made me feel liked, feel special

And then suddenly became cold and distant

Left me confused and bewildered

I could still remember when the plane went on air

I was sitting by the window looking out the clouds

Thinking of you

Trying to figure out what went wrong

Trying to understand why something I deemed so perfect

Ended up the most hurtful way I never imagined it to end

And everyone on board was having fun with the ‘Show Me” game

And then suddenly

The unknowing stewardess was asking somebody to show her something

Something that everyone needs on a hot sunny day

“Show me your brightest, sweetest smile”, she said

The moment she said that I started bawling over

Because it reminded me of you

Reminded me when you told me that you like my smile because it was beautiful and nice and warm

Reminded me when you said that you have never smiled that much in such a long time

And that I was able to make you smile

Reminded me of how you smiled at me

And then I saw the in-flight magazine sitting on my lap

The magazine was called SMILE

It made me cry more

Made me ached for you more

Made me feel the pain more

The kind where breathing becomes so difficult

To the point that I was beating at my chest

I remember when I got off the plane

I was trying so hard to keep the tears from falling

I wanted to go home right away so badly

To be in the privacy of my room and in the comfort of my bed

Where I could cry my pain out as much as I could

Fate wasn’t on my side that day

We made a couple of stop overs

It was such a torture

Talking to my companions about something else

While fighting the tears at the same time

And when I got home

 My landlord told me that I have to move out of my room so they can start the renovation

I just couldn’t help it anymore

I was tired and weary

Teary-eyed and emotionally drained

I started to cry right in front of him

All I could say to him was that I wasn’t feeling well

It was not exactly a lie

Because I really wasn’t feeling very well

I guess he took pity

He let me stayed in my room and get some rest

And in the middle of the pounding and the sawing outside

In the darkest corner of my bed

I cried my heart out

I cried like it was the end of the world for me

I cried for the special moments that would never come back

I cried for the perfect days that didn’t ended up the way I imagined it to be

I cried for the man who made me feel again

Feel how beautiful love can be

Feel how painful love can be

It was one of the agonizingly darkest day of my life

Can't smile,

Dannyelle

The Road To Getting Over You

       

         I wish to move forward. I managed to do so physically. But my heart, that is another thing. I guess it is safe to say that I am emotionally stuck. It's not healthy, I know. I just can't seem to help it though. 

I still badly want to see you, be with you, love you. No, I won't say I will forget you. I know I never will. But I do know that someday I will get over how I feel for you. Someday, I will be able to look back and not feel the longing, the pain, the love. You and me will become just another memory. And I would stop wishing and dreaming about us, about second chances and being together again. 

I am counting on time to help me get over you. Although deep inside, I admit that I am torn between wanting to get over you and being able to totally move on. 

And I am not even helping myself. How I am I supposed to get over you when all I do almost all the time is think of you and dream of you, the height of the pathetically emotional clinger. And you know what makes it more pathetic? I know you don't feel the same way and yet, I am hoping that you do. 

Oh, I know that no matter what happens, whether you will come back into my life or not, I will always care about you. I will always love you. But I also know that someday, by the time I reach the end of this road, I will no longer be in love with you. 
                                                                                 
                                                                                     Still trying to get over you, 
                                                                                      Dannyelle

From A Distance

I always had this knack for finding songs that seemed to just hit me right in the middle of my heart.  One line is enough to send me on a  trip down memory lane. It could be because I have this habit of connecting my life to songs. My love life to be exact. 

And now I found this another song, Long Distance by Bruno Mars. It tells how hard it is to be in a long distance love affair. No, I don't have a long distance love affair. But I do have someone I love who is so far away from me. 

Hell, I don't even have an idea where you are right now. All I could do is pray and hope that wherever you are, you're doing great, that you're happy, and that even for just a while, you're thinking of me. I wish. 

Yes, this song speaks my life right now. All I had were bittersweet memories, your picture in a frame and my hyperactive imagination that never fails to include you in my daydreams.  When I think about it, the song reminds me how far away you are.  And I am not talking about mere physical distance. It reminded of that one moment when I was standing right before you, less than a meter apart, and yet I could feel this very high wall between us. You were so distant, so far away that I felt that even if I physically closed that distance I would still fail to reach you, hold you, touch you. And yet, I still want to be close to you. No matter how far you are, I still want to be with you. But for now, all I could do is love you from afar. Really, really far. 
                                             
                                               ~ Dannyelle

My Favorite Story

I found a new song for you. A song that is both for you and about you. From the first time I heard it, I knew it was meant for you, that it would always remind me of you. It goes like this:

You were my favorite story

 My favorite song

You were the main event 

In my life all along.

You were my greatest adventure

My greatest surprise.

I should have known all along 

When I looked into your eyes

You'd be my favorite story

- David Pomeranz -

Dreaming,

Dannyelle